Ellis in Glamourland

Ok, i was a little wrong. The movie was called Ellis in Glamourland. It was really nice And i had a good time with my brother. We went by train and we had to walk through the city. It was nice, we had fun. And we drank brown water at McDonalds which they call cappucino! How dare they?
But yes, the movie was really nice.
And afterwards we went back with the train to my father's. We visited De Pont. The exhibition we came for was horrible. It was like paintings a child could make, i didn't feel them at all. Hideous. It was nice anyway thought.

But i feel so sad. I have this horrible feeling in my stomach everytime i'm not busy doing something that asks my full attention. I feel alone and sad and scared and hopeless and lost.
I think it's the daytreatment. i thought i was comming to terms with it, but i guess i'm not. In 3 weeks time i'll have to go there. I DON'T WANT TO! I really don't want to. And i don't even understand why. How bad could it be? i really don't understand myself, but i feel so sad.
Tuesday i'll have to go there and get information and see the people there. I don't want that

I should tell my T tomorrow. For once in the 2 years that i'm seeing her, i should tell how i really feel. She is the only one that will understand, i'll have to tell her.

I really feel so so sad
It's the feeling like you'd rather die. Like you want to dsappear into nothingness. I don't know if i can cope. If i want to cope.